Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting
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- Create Date：2021-07-12 06:54:46
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Janet Lansbury
- ISBN：1499103670
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Summary
Janet Lansbury’s advice on respectful parenting is quoted and shared by millions of readers worldwide。 Inspired by the pioneering parenting philosophy of her friend and mentor， Magda Gerber， Janet’s influential voice encourages parents and child care professionals to perceive babies as unique， capable human beings with natural abilities to learn without being taught; to develop motor and cognitive skills; communicate; face age appropriate struggles; initiate and direct independent play for extended periods; and much more。 Once we are able to view our children in this light， even the most common daily parenting experiences become stimulating opportunities to learn， discover， and to connect with our child。 “Elevating Child Care” is a collection of 30 popular and widely read articles from Janet’s website that focus on some of the most common infant/toddler issues: eating， sleeping， diaper changes， communication， separation， focus and attention span， creativity， boundaries， and more。
Reviews
Brittany
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The advice was very， very helpful。 I love Lansbury’s podcast。 But the constant reference to her mentor makes it hard for me to rate higher。 I wish she had shared her own ideas。 Was it lack of confidence in what she’s learned， or does she not go outside of what her mentor taught her？ I can’t imagine it’s the later since it seems like she’s learned so much over the years！ I left feeling confused about whose book this was， and didn’t finish the last 1/3 of the book， even though I continue to listen The advice was very， very helpful。 I love Lansbury’s podcast。 But the constant reference to her mentor makes it hard for me to rate higher。 I wish she had shared her own ideas。 Was it lack of confidence in what she’s learned， or does she not go outside of what her mentor taught her？ I can’t imagine it’s the later since it seems like she’s learned so much over the years！ I left feeling confused about whose book this was， and didn’t finish the last 1/3 of the book， even though I continue to listen to her podcast episodes。 。。。more
Emily Rickert
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Very helpful insight into infant development and parenting accordingly。
India
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Lots of Janet Lansbury's advice （from blog posts and podcasts） has already been influential on me， in particular around how to respond when my son is upset: calmly getting close to him and cuddling him if he wants it but not swooping him up; acknowledging his feelings instead of dismissing them or telling him he's OK; letting the feelings play out instead of trying to distract him; talking through what happened （"You bumped into this table and it hurt your head" or “you’re trying to open the cup Lots of Janet Lansbury's advice （from blog posts and podcasts） has already been influential on me， in particular around how to respond when my son is upset: calmly getting close to him and cuddling him if he wants it but not swooping him up; acknowledging his feelings instead of dismissing them or telling him he's OK; letting the feelings play out instead of trying to distract him; talking through what happened （"You bumped into this table and it hurt your head" or “you’re trying to open the cupboard and it’s stuck”）。 In general， I love Lansbury's emphasis on treating infants and toddlers as unique， capable human beings who deserve respect， honesty and communication。 I thought I was doing a pretty good job of putting her ideas into practice， but reading this book brought home how much more I could do – or， rather， how much less。 Less interrupting， less distracting， less redirecting， less helping， less teaching， less showing， less commentating， less assuming what my son wants， less intervening （and， specifically， less following him around when he's playing！）。There are a couple of places where her philosophy doesn't resonate so much with me。 First， where it's at odds with attachment parenting。 She puts a huge emphasis on independent play， right from newborn， and she seems to be either negative or ambivalent about many of the AP practices that I embraced and loved: co-sleeping， breastfeeding on demand， babywearing， no sleep training， and anticipating baby's needs wherever possible so they don't get to the point of crying。 Second， where it’s at odds with my personal god， Alfie Kohn: mainly around discipline and whether kids need more and firmer boundaries （Lansbury） or need us to say “yes” more （Kohn）。 I’m sure my view will keep evolving as my son gets older， but at the moment the latter feels more right to me。 。。。more
Julia Shumway
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Life-changing。 For me， parenting is infinitely easier and more enjoyable when I remember to apply the principles in this book。 I'd recommend it for anyone with children of any age。 I was lucky to have it recommended before my first child was even born， so I was able to start practicing the patterns of communication and respectful behavior suggested while she was an infant。 It has made toddlerhood much smoother。 BUT， any time is better than no time。This book is taken entirely from the author's bl Life-changing。 For me， parenting is infinitely easier and more enjoyable when I remember to apply the principles in this book。 I'd recommend it for anyone with children of any age。 I was lucky to have it recommended before my first child was even born， so I was able to start practicing the patterns of communication and respectful behavior suggested while she was an infant。 It has made toddlerhood much smoother。 BUT， any time is better than no time。This book is taken entirely from the author's blog， and she does have a podcast。 I found her reading so soothing and helpful that I am still glad I listened to the book。 。。。more
Thomas
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I really enjoyed the principles taught in the book。
Gabrielle Pitman
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Really helpful， etc， as per review of no bad kids
Melissa
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I really like her perspective。 I know that I have been utilizing a lot of her ideas， but I was hoping it would be more empowering。
Rebecca Davis
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Preferred her other book， no bad kids or listening to her podcasts
Lisa Hough-Stewart
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An OK introduction to this parenting method， but I didn't realise it was a reproduction of blog posts。 So， it's not particularly thorough and the tone feels brisk。I'm not entirely sure I subscribe wholeheartedly to this approach， some good things to try but other parts gave me pause。 Clearly it wasn't convincing for me！ An OK introduction to this parenting method， but I didn't realise it was a reproduction of blog posts。 So， it's not particularly thorough and the tone feels brisk。I'm not entirely sure I subscribe wholeheartedly to this approach， some good things to try but other parts gave me pause。 Clearly it wasn't convincing for me！ 。。。more
Mike
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Baby she wrote wrote。
Tiffany
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I'm giving this book a 5 but I really think it's closer to a 4。5。 This is one of my favorite parenting books。 It's comprehensive with tons of tips， not just information or stories with no advice on how to actually parent better。 The only reason I say I'd take off half a star is because sometimes the tone she takes is a little irritating and if you were a parent on the edge or going through a hard season I don't know that it would land well。 Also， sometimes her suggestions seem like your entire l I'm giving this book a 5 but I really think it's closer to a 4。5。 This is one of my favorite parenting books。 It's comprehensive with tons of tips， not just information or stories with no advice on how to actually parent better。 The only reason I say I'd take off half a star is because sometimes the tone she takes is a little irritating and if you were a parent on the edge or going through a hard season I don't know that it would land well。 Also， sometimes her suggestions seem like your entire life will revolve around your infant。 As someone who tries to follow the majority of Lansbury's advice， I can say this isn't the case， but the book isn't super clear on that aside from the small chapter on self care。 Overall， wonderful book， easy read， and I recommend it to everyone who asks me for a list of favorites。 No Bad Kids is a great partner to this one。 。。。more
Katherine Akin
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This is a quick and easy read with great principles to set a foundation for gentle parenting。 I re-read it every year while I'm in the thick of baby and toddlerhood parenting。 I don’t agree with everything philosophically but I appreciate the concept and what I found most helpful are the dialogue examples。 Every time I read it， I am definitely able to take away things that I can change as a parent。 This is a quick and easy read with great principles to set a foundation for gentle parenting。 I re-read it every year while I'm in the thick of baby and toddlerhood parenting。 I don’t agree with everything philosophically but I appreciate the concept and what I found most helpful are the dialogue examples。 Every time I read it， I am definitely able to take away things that I can change as a parent。 。。。more
Morgan Myers
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While I don't agree with 100% of the philosophy， I found this book to be a very refreshing and different approach from the commonly practiced parenting gimmicks that don't work。 I really appreciate heart behind Gerber and Lansbury's approach to parenting。 The premise of theor philosophy is to respect babies/toddlers as whole people and communicate with them as such， trust their intrinsically motivated development， and encourage self-directed free play。 "Loving our child does not mean keeping him While I don't agree with 100% of the philosophy， I found this book to be a very refreshing and different approach from the commonly practiced parenting gimmicks that don't work。 I really appreciate heart behind Gerber and Lansbury's approach to parenting。 The premise of theor philosophy is to respect babies/toddlers as whole people and communicate with them as such， trust their intrinsically motivated development， and encourage self-directed free play。 "Loving our child does not mean keeping him happy all the time and avoiding power struggles。 Often it is doing what feels hardest for us to do: saying "no" and meaning it。Our children deserve our direct， honest responses so they can internalize right and wrong and develop the authentic self-discipline needed to respect and be respected by others。 As Magda wrote in Dear Parent - Caring for Infants With Respect: 'The goal is innerdiscipline， self-confidence， and joy in the act of cooperation。'""Boundaries and discipline， when offered non-punitively and in the context of empathy and respect， are gifts we should feel proud of and one of the highest forms of love。" 。。。more
Kimberley
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Wow there is always more to learn about parenting。 To think of your child as a whole person and to respect their abilities and emotions makes sense， but it was something I needed to read。
Jac
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This book taught me that It’s not my job to keep my kiddos from crying and fundamentally changed my mindset and enjoyment of parenting。 It saved me during a rough period with an infant and toddler。 I may have heard of Janet Landsbury earlier and rolled my eyes， but I needed to hear this at this moment。I think this book should probably be called “Elevating Infant Care”， as it’s quite focused on babies and young toddlers。 There are a few specifics I didn’t agree with， like her conclusions on pacif This book taught me that It’s not my job to keep my kiddos from crying and fundamentally changed my mindset and enjoyment of parenting。 It saved me during a rough period with an infant and toddler。 I may have heard of Janet Landsbury earlier and rolled my eyes， but I needed to hear this at this moment。I think this book should probably be called “Elevating Infant Care”， as it’s quite focused on babies and young toddlers。 There are a few specifics I didn’t agree with， like her conclusions on pacifiers， high chairs， and baby wearing， but the bigger philosophy completely resonated and by shifting my mindset， I’ve already seen huge changes in both my children and myself。 I listened to the audiobook on 1。5x， and it was an enjoyable， informative， worthwhile， and quick listen。 。。。more
Steph
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The RIE method and Janet’s advice definitely speaks to my heart as a parent。 It resonates deeply with me and gives me lots to digest， and hopefully implement！ I wish this were more of a cohesively written book rather than a collection of her blog articles， but it was a quick read with lots of solid information and examples。 Plenty to read and reference again。
Erin Collins
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I am very torn about this book。 On one hand， I do think the book has some very solid advice。 I have tried to stop saying "it's ok" when my child is crying。 I don't know if that actually does anything， but it kind of makes sense not to undermine their feelings。 I have also started trying to be less active and more supportive in play time。 I do think that helps kids show more creativity and take charge of their fun。 We even started having a set amount of 'independent play' each day。On the other ha I am very torn about this book。 On one hand， I do think the book has some very solid advice。 I have tried to stop saying "it's ok" when my child is crying。 I don't know if that actually does anything， but it kind of makes sense not to undermine their feelings。 I have also started trying to be less active and more supportive in play time。 I do think that helps kids show more creativity and take charge of their fun。 We even started having a set amount of 'independent play' each day。On the other hand。。。 this was so judgmental！ Wow！ If there is anything wrong with your child it's all your fault！ The author says， "I don't pretend to be a PhD， but common sense and experience tells me that a home environment conducive to focus and attention can have a positive impact on - and maybe even prevent - some attention deficit disorders。" She also somehow equates potty training your child， with creating a "relationship of resistance" that continues into adulthood。 In many of her anecdotes I inwardly cringed because of how self righteous she was。 For one story she went in depth on how you should let kids do things on their own without helping。 She guilted a bunch of parents into not helping a child， then SHE HELPED THE KID AND FELT SMUG ABOUT HOW SHE DID IT SNEAKILY。 what？？ Also is was a complete love letter to dear old Magda。 Was any of this the author's own ideas？ 。。。more
Mark Collins
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I agreed with the message （for the most part） of this book， but I had a problem with the shame-y way that Lansbury talks about parenting that differs from her approach。 I mean， the you're-a-bad-parent-if-you-don't-do-X is not a great way to win me over---even if I agree with you！ Example: "I have seen cases where children began a pattern of resistance when the parent coaxed them to use the potty， and the relationship of resistance continued in other areas into adulthood。" （sorry， no page numbers I agreed with the message （for the most part） of this book， but I had a problem with the shame-y way that Lansbury talks about parenting that differs from her approach。 I mean， the you're-a-bad-parent-if-you-don't-do-X is not a great way to win me over---even if I agree with you！ Example: "I have seen cases where children began a pattern of resistance when the parent coaxed them to use the potty， and the relationship of resistance continued in other areas into adulthood。" （sorry， no page numbers since I listened to the audiobook） I'm sorry， but WHAT？！ Potty training your child will IRREVOCABLY damage your relationship？！ That is a toxic thing to say to new parents that are trying to do their best by their kids。 Another weird thing: the book was an ode to Magda Gerber--whom the author cites numerous times。 These citations are good form （yay， give credit where it is due！）。。。although there are so many references to Gerber that it gets a little strange。。。in that Lansbury's book seems more like a sparknotes or crib-sheet for Gerber's own writings。Overall， the book did inspire me to think about my own parenting techniques and change/emphasize certain things---like not saying "it's okay" when a kid is crying。 Let them express their sadness， don't try to "fix" it。 Also， praise efforts， not results （we need to do this more！）。 Finally， give the kids more control over their play---I realized how much "work" I was doing steering all their play time， suggesting what we should play or making up elaborate games for them。 I realized that I needed to step back a little and let our kids imagine and play without a lot of facilitation--we're implementing more independent play times for this reason。 While I did agree with Lansbury's approach overall， the potty training chapter was garbage。 It was filled with "wait until your child is ready" bull-crap。 I'm sorry， but using toilets is not "natural" and there won't be a magical time when little Johnny asks: "Mama dearest， can you teach me the ways of the potty now？" Read "Oh Crap， Potty Training" for a good guide。 The verdict？ Don't read this book---even for its useful advice。 It really left me feeling slightly defensive about my whole parenting style---which mostly conforms to Lansbury's approach！ I would recommend the better book: "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" （it doesn't offer quite a comprehensive guide， but it offers a great framework for parents in a really encouraging way！ 。。。more
Svitlana Nova
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I struggled with this book。 While there are certainly interesting ideas here to think about and mull over the way they were presented leaves much to be desired。
Charlotte
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I love the content of this book and Janet’s style， but frankly I was expecting more。 This is a collection of blog posts rather than a structured book。 It still has great content， but I would have preferred something intended for the book medium。 I prefer her podcast to her blog or this book， but I still got a lot of useful information from it and am glad I read it。
Cassandra Caffee Morelock
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While I agree with Janet Lansbury in her educare approach， I was disappointed to discover the book was a collection of her blogs， which I already follow on social media。 I had hoped for a little more meat。 This would be a good， approachable introduction to RIE， so it would make a nice baby shower gift to a new parent。
Kendra Madding
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Loved the message， hated the tone
Victoria
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Very quick read。 I really liked the basic concept here of seeing infants and toddlers as whole people and speaking to and treating them as such。 The tone of the book was a little off-putting at times and it felt a little white privilege-y with the assumptions she made about families and caregiving situations。 I found myself rolling my eyes。。。a lot。 BUT， it's still a book I would recommend to friends with some added caveats。 Take some， leave some， as with all parenting books。 Very quick read。 I really liked the basic concept here of seeing infants and toddlers as whole people and speaking to and treating them as such。 The tone of the book was a little off-putting at times and it felt a little white privilege-y with the assumptions she made about families and caregiving situations。 I found myself rolling my eyes。。。a lot。 BUT， it's still a book I would recommend to friends with some added caveats。 Take some， leave some， as with all parenting books。 。。。more
Doroti
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Yes and no， just the next point of view。。。
Lindsy
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My reaction to most ideas presented in this book was "well， of course！" However I'm not sure I would have thought of these things on my own。 Straight forward read， can't comment on putting it into practice just yet as baby won't be here for another couple months My reaction to most ideas presented in this book was "well， of course！" However I'm not sure I would have thought of these things on my own。 Straight forward read， can't comment on putting it into practice just yet as baby won't be here for another couple months 。。。more
Emily Murray
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A book on parenting that seemed to confirm a lot of my current practices and intuition。 There were some parts that I disagreed with （i。e。 how rocking your baby to sleep or nursing your baby to sleep is creating a dependency - I think these are NATURAL ways of comforting an infant that will be outgrown when the child is ready） but I liked that children - even the tiniest babes - are viewed as capable human beings and worthy of respect。
Shabir Brar
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Short， sweet to the point！ Great beginners guide。
Benjamin Anderson
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Overall I think this book gave a good perspective on respectful protons and helping us understand or children understand more than we give them credit for。
Alina
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An enlightening book on respectful parenting。 I can only say I wish I would have read it at about 5 years ago， but I am happy I did it now and I already started being more conscious and more attentive to the way I react in certain situations。 I struggle to slow down， bite my tongue before suggesting solutions or coming up with play ideas， I learn how to trust my daughter！
Nathan De
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